DEAR TMOBILE,

We’ve been together now for quite a few years, and I’ve become quite reliant on you. In fact, I ditched my home phone company for you and have since not even used another service. I’ve always paid my bills on time and not complained about how much you rape me with this charge and that charge if I accidentally dial 411. I make sure I watch my MB and find an internet signal when checking twitter. You see, I’m holding up my end of our relationship. I’m trying to make this thing work. And that’s the problem. You’re not putting your effort into this. Things are getting very one-sided and I find myself apologizing for your behaviour all the time. I’m making excuses for you like the abused spouse does, or the non-drinking spouse at a party. Sure, you’re putting in your appearances what with all the flashy commercials and the bars on my phone, but I see through you. I see what you’re doing when you think I’m not looking. I see the 4 or 5 bars I used to have all the time jump to 2 or even 0 repeatedly when I don’t even move the phone. I see the MB running still when not in use. I know it’s you that’s hanging up on my sister-in-law even thou I blame it on the CNN Tower on the Downtown Connector. I can’t figure out why I get no signal standing in my bathroom. What did I do wrong? I figured when you installed a new tower on the building next door that you might be happier if we were closer. I guess not. Turns out that maybe I’m too close for comfort? I just don’t know anymore. I know that I can’t depend on you and that makes me sad. And furious. I’ve invested a lot of time and money in this relationship 18 years is a long time. You’ve changed your name 4 times while I have remained the same. I’m afraid there are other people involved now. Verizon and ATT are batting their eyes at me when you’re pouting with no signal. They’re promising unlimited minutes and texts without all the hidden fees. $50 a month should be just that with out all the fine print you can’t read at the bottom of the ad. They’re lulling me with their sweet sirens’ song. What’s it going to be Tmobile? I’m a creature of habit, and for better or worse, I’d like to save this relationship, but 4g that’s really 4g is tempting. Call me (if you can).

Sincerely,

Roger