I need help from someone old. Someone with grey hair and little half glasses. Maybe even a bushy mustache and a sweater vest, and quite possibly pants pulled up to their armpits.

I need someone who does nothing all day but feed the birds and sit at the window with a pair of binoculars. I need someone who owns Audubon books and listens to recordings of bird calls for fun.

Because somewhere in all those books and recordings, there is a bird that sounds like this.

I know when this bird is identified, I’m going to find out that it likes geraniums,sweet basil, and pissing people off. I know this because this effer is perched on my balcony and has taken it upon himself to become my own personal rooster. Whatever it is, it sets its alarm clock for 6am sharp.


It is driving me insane. That recording doesn’t do it justice. It is like someone jabbing you in the back of the neck with a fork every 4 seconds while you’re trying to sleep.

It is loud.

Loud enough to hear over AC. Loud enough to hear through pillows, and over the TV.

BTW….. He doesn’t faze BBG who is already settled back down for her morning nap!



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